I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
