carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
