I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
