i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
