I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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