I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think i have herpe
just one?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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