May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
