Someone shit on the floor
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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