I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
