I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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