What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
