Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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