The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't make out with my wife yet
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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