just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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