Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
