It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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