Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
