I just gift wrapped bread.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
