I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
