you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
