just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
