i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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