His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize