I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
