everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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