Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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