apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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