This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
