god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Non-Jews are for practice
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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