She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
