So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize