her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
