I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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