my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
