I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Two words: blizzard sex
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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