All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
