butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
