I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Boobs speak an international language.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
