Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
