Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
