I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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