after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
