Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
