the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
