you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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