I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
