I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
