I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she was so not down for the gang bang
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
