A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
