Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
