I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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