fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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