i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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