K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
