I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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