It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
