Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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