did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
