On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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