So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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