In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
