The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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