this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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