Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
