I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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