i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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