I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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