I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
