I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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