if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
