remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
