Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
