He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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