Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
