you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
