I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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