The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
