I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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