we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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