I wish I could punch you in the face.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
