I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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