People in love make me want to vomit
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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