You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
