Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
