Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
