I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's always time for handjobs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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