when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
