I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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