Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
